Ghost of Me

 You know i used to tell myself "I don't make friends with the people from my past". 

and I'm kinda proud with myself for it. I don't know why would I made such a statement. Was it because the past was too hurtful to reminisce? or that the people from my past is not good? What happened in the past? 

I made such statements not knowing that the present would become past and do the people in the present not deserved to be friends with me again in the near future? But then I would comfort myself by saying if they're good for me they'll be in my future. 

I have never let myself get to the bottom of it why would I made such remarks. And I never thought the statement would suddenly pop out in my mind again until today. 

I was vulnerable. and I shown my vulnerability to the people, from my past. 

Like when people say, when you fail, try again. 

I don't ever wanna try again. I don't ever wanna show my vulnerability ever again.

So I run from it. I ran and ran, until now. I think the past is finally catching up on me. I have been very distraught since last April up until now. It's like they've been begging for a place inside my mind.

What. The. Fuck.

Dont expect life.

there is a time in life where we;

stumble upon a mine. which is an old buried mine, new buried mine or you buried the mine yourself. As you are stepping on a mine, you may leave and injured badly. Or you may ask a help from others to dig out the mine. Or you may stand still.

Of course, when you leave, you left with scars, injury and hurt badly. But that's when you realized you made mistake and it teaches you a lesson. The scars that exists may not fade, but as well as it may stays there. To keep reminding you the lesson.

The moment when you ask a help from others. They may dig out the mine for you. But they might as well bury another for you. This implies that the trusts you put in someone, would it be worth or will it be a disaster?

Or you can just stand still. You were too afraid to move, doesn't know what'll be happen next, so you just stand there, forever. We made mistakes, we create trouble. yet we wouldn't bear to put the blame on ourselves. There is no correction made, there is no improvement made, there is also no modification made.

there is a time in life where we;

come across a flower field and rainbow. Those colourful flower field makes us all gay, makes us all joyful, makes us all happy. The rainbow after the rain makes you put your hopes. That there is something worth after all the misery that you approach.

that is just what life is. We may encounter problems, disaster, or feeling down. But make sure we move on ahead, just to know whats waiting for us in the future.

but there is also triumph. A triumph where we'll taste the sweetness of the misery that we face.

Face your problem. Never run away from the thing that scares you, never avoid the thing that you afraid of.

At last, put yourself in others shoes as well.