Thursday, February 23, 2017

I Hate This Feeling


The fact that today is the day... i went to hospital. Im not a fan of medicine or hospital.. its not that i dont trust them its just.. i hate to go to hospital. And today, i went. Basically, what i wrote today is just to sort out what a week i had. *sigh

Have you ever feel like you are useless? im okay with just problem *probably* but this... i hate this feeling. These few days i dont know why im feeling like shit. Im feeling so down. For real. I dont always feel like this but i feel like my confidence is being shredded here. Its hard. You wanna know how hard? Trying to act all is fine when you know youre not. Trying to face all the dumbshit poor decisions you ever made. Trying to feel good about yourself when youre aware theres nothing for you to feel good about. That you desperately trying to continue living life knowing any seconds later the thought of suicide lingers in your mind. Months ago where you had your future planned so good but everything gets in the way and every single things is stopping your walk, blurred your path, and every single thing of it ruining it. Yup, life is harder than we all thought.

I know i shouldnt be like this. I know i shouldnt complained. But, all these hardships were just... too much for me to bear. Dont say im comparing my life to others. But to see it from my perspective, why am i the only person who struggles the longest? Do i live my karma already? This early? Its always worse than it seems. The second i thought the sky shining is the second it thunderstorm. The problem is too much for me to handle. I dont know where they all come from. All i could do is that, to hope that i could go through this one and there would be no next one.

You know, how 2016 crushed my life so hard im barely breathing and now... is it starting already? Maybe this is what they call depression. Everyday i just woke up thinking i could do better trying to think positively that it is okay to be myself but the next morning i know it surely isnt true. I dont know how i do this i dont know about everything i dont know. I dont know how to let this feeling left me. This is worse than being bullied in school or work or stuffs or fuck it. Even now i couldnt express what i feel how i feel. 

I feel like shit. Fuck everything fuck everyone fuck all of you. The fact that im angry, dissapointed, sad and all the same vocabulary i dont know how to express it cause i think im fine and the problems i had is....... gahh fuck everything. I just wanna maki semua orang maki semua benda even pokok sebelah rumah ni i want to maki. Babilah kamu semuanya.

Saturday, February 18, 2017


Hello everyone.

Okay before we start i really wanted to tell you guys one thing. Tadi saya naik uber dan sekian my uber really hensem dan friendly. emm yummy hahahah. ok

So..... February starts off with countless blessings. Kawin sana, kawin sini, and emm. well most of it were kawin sana sini. Ya.

I just found out that recently, my cousin who grew up with me, who shares the same childhood as mine, is going to marry. But thats not the best part. Wait for it. The best part is that, he is going to marry with a 43 years old widower, with 4 kids. When i was told the news, the only questions that pops my mind is that... HOW? But you know, they also dont have any straight answer it is malah dikasi warning lagi. Said dont you question blabla how or why or whateves. Nanti kau pun begitu baru kau faham kan. I was like.. okay kalau dia kaya/ada/mampu belikan aku heli then why not, yeah? hahah. And the most exciting part is that, he'll share the same reception as his grandpa. YOU DID NOT READ IT WRONG.

Yeah, he and his grandpa is going to share a pelamin, both cucu and datok at the same pelamin. And we're all truly cant wait to see it! LOL. Like, his grandma has died few years back i guess and ya.. since then his grandpa has been searching for the right one to fit in his life but his kids always got in the way but this time theyre all ok and syukur alhamdulilah this time he found one. I dont know but according to my auntss cousins they say the bride is cantik putih....... em okay.

Anyway, it has been decided that Moy's wedding will be on early may. Im so happy for her! Like she's a diamond for whoever dont intended to keep her right before this. Yeah whatevs but i pun sad juga when she buka cerita of all her miserable exes. Now that shes getting married i always flashback-ed of all the things we used to do since the day we were born. On last saturday, i went to her house actually i myself not sure of what should i call this event yang tapi pihak lelaki pigi rumah perempuan to hantar duit. Ah lebih kurang lah.

AH THIS ONE I WANT TO SPILL LAH KAN. I was there like the whole day, so indirectly im there to help them to sort out the day. AND HOLY SHIT, IT WAS EXHAUSTING! Like, i never thought that marriage would be this hard. Hahahah tapi seriously, even baru hantar duit, it feels like omg susahnya mau bekawin ni. Perlu banyak kata sepakat from both side, and belum lagi cerita both side cerewet mau mati. Oh moy's husband would be bugis so... that being explained. Hahah

But seriously, i always thought that kawin ni macam 123 abc. Ok, you go to kursus kawin and book imam kasi kawin and you do lah majlis kahwin. Hell no okay. Even haritu pun hampir mau gaduh because mau dikasi tunda tuh tarikh *well people say lagi awal lagi bagus kan* but they want to kasi tunda because of..... ada cousin dia yang mau join skali buat kenduri cukur jambul. Ha ha ha. Doii macam lah seja confirm dia deliver time tuh. Kalau lambat? how? nahhhh. Duhh But since our side is polite sopan santun so we just say yes lah.

But when i go through it all i had a second thought that... ihh kawin nih menyusahkan, banyak benda mau dibuat lots of thing you need to go through. And frankly on the spot i rasa macam tidak mau kawin. luls okay next.... Oh didnt i tell you that her husband to be is my high school friend? Yang pernah crush gila2 sama saya? HAHAHAH you see you never know how jodoh works kan! Well, when it involves my high school of course lah majlis nanti dipenuhi dengan my high school mates jugaa! omg so fucked up i dont like lah macamni nanti mesti banyak jumpa kawan sekolah menengah dulu em bole ka pakai purdah nanti? heheh

Moy, me, pia & tiara
So.. since the wedding going to be on early may, they said they wanna go to KL to search for barang2 kawin. Well, you know.. not actually mencari, but berjalan2 but you know.. excuses. Haha. And because i have cousins working in Johor and also in Klang, they asks me to go together with them. Jalan2 konon. And i was like... okay, i could go but then my banker is not following *my sister and my brother haha* so.. i guess my shopping will be limited kan em. Considering food+accommodation+transport and all. That being excluding shopping money. Sudalah saya ni suka membeli barang emm. And kebetulan juga Az is now in KL so.. im thinking of why not kan? Push aside soal dapat cuti or not... im having a second thought.

Ive been saving up my money for this one thing. and i have to give it up for it if i choose that KL trip. But then i have to give up KL trip, spending some time with my cousins if i chose for that stuff. Of course, you may say i better off choosing time with families but ive been longing for this stuff since zaman degree lagi. emm. Sure, duit boleh dicari but time with families is.. Adakah yang mau bagi saya 10ribu untuk bejalan d KL seja? Tolong please. derma lah saya 10ribu for both the 1week punya trip and the stuff yang saya mau beli.*emoji sedih* *emoji nangis*

Uhh i guess thats all, bye for now. Hihi

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Hair talk


Since i am so kind hearted today *i reactivate this blog, tell you why when i have time but today*, lets talk about some products ive been using in a while. Actually this kind of entries is the most laziest for me to talk about. But since today is sunday, and it is cuti, and no one ask me go out so here you go!

Alhamdulilah for me because till today, i havent suffered or experienced any hair problemsss. Including hair loss, dry hair, rambut bercabang, rambut nipis or whatsoever problems with my hair. Hehehe. All this goes to my mother because she is the one that taught me hair is a women's crown. Okay i made that up. But ever since i was little, my mother taught me how to take a goood care of my hair. She also tells me not to let any of my friends in school touch my hair because it will get dirty kononnya. Thats her logic like luls.

When im in my primary school time she always braid my hair every morning like everyday. You guys can ask my friends or my batchmates that time the only kids who go to school with a braided hair everyday. Thats me. Hahah. Also every weekend, we will do hair treatment dekat tangga rumah hahah using her own tipsss and in return i got a black shining long hair. yeayy thanks mak.

So, im growing up to be an adult who takes a serious care on hair. and that fully tells the picture below. Well, this is an old picture where i land my first job and i dont know what to do with the money and Watsons guardian is my favorite store to go so in the end im purchasing all this. T_T.

I normally dont have any problems with my hair or scalp or anything. except that i ever had headlices during kecil2 dulu. In a case of infected from my cousin *cause im super close to my cousins* and it lasts for a few weeks and sumpah so gatal but the sound of kasi mati dorang is super nyaman so hahaha. Dont ask me how kasi hilang binatang tu semua cause i have alot of aunt yang suka cari kutu. *emoji ketawa kluar air mata*

For the past few years, i have been changing few hairwash because ... i dont know. I just love to change them and thank god, i dont suffer any minor side effect. but the best hairwash i love to use is of course Herbal Essences in colour red. Seriously you guys should try it. But then i got bored i decided to use Pantene uhhh i forgot which one it is. I think its the one with green colour i dont know. But then, i got ketombe aka kelimumur aka dandruff within the first bottle. and i was like, damn, i bought a large bottle of shampoo and conditioner and since i am a student at that time, i decided to just use it until i finish. Cannot membazir ya hahaha.

After the first bottle, i change back to Herbal essences but still, the dandruff wont come off. Well, actually the dandruff wasnt that much and barely noticable by people but... i dont like when i garu my scalp ada putih2 di kuku. Hahaha. and so, guess what? I kikis my sister to buy me the Loccitane hair dandruff series. Including the before wash oil, shampoo, conditioner and somekind of hair mask. And yes, the dandruff come off easily within first bottle. Which i bersyukur sangat now that i garu kepala no more ketombe no more putih2 d kuku.

Frankly, rambut kasar, rambut nipis rambut mati or anything doesnt really happened to us unless you pemalas jaga rambut. I never made hair treatment dekat salon or what. Even my last visit to salon is few years back and i dont even intend to go in the near future. As of cutting hair? Im pro at cutting my own hair. Hahaha this i dont bluff but seriously yes, i cut my own hair and damn my hair still look good.

But since the kelimumur now gone, i switched to this haircare. Hask Argan Oil Repairing set. Plus with Loccitane soothing scalp oil and The Body Shop Wild Argan oil. I think this is affordable juga in Guardian, so if you thinking of changing your haircare set do thought of this one.

1. Using the Loccitane soothing scalp oil to run through your scalp before cuci rambut. It says on the bottle to use 2 mins before cucian but i'd say at least 30mins before wash :) 

2. Shampoo + Conditioner as you all may know-how.

3. Dont do this often but please once a week or once in every 2 week using the intense deep conditioning hair treatment. Treat this as a hair mask. 

4. As you dry your hair with towels, you may want to use the body shop argan oil and dry them together. 

5. For better results, please try yang botol kecil tu shine oil to set your hair *if ugais malas mau buat rambut and prefer natural looking* so this botol kecil lah jawapannya. use this to set your hair before going out. treat this as minyak rambut.

This Hask series kan is good, always have promotions dekat Guardian, considered affordable looking at the results it shows. Smells good also, like the mandarin oranges smell.
Looks fussy isnt it? you need to have a set of haircare to maintain/get the hair dream of yours. But of course laaa it took a long time and uncertain roads as long as you made progress youre closer than yesterday.. Ok apaini tetiba.

Oh, didnt i tell you that in my 24 years of living, i cut my hair short once. and im damn regretful about that. If only i have time machine i would turn back to old times just to kill my youngerself for why did i have the thought of having short hair/ bob cut in my mind. Sorry, but it was just ridiculous. and even it is in my high school where we tend to do stupid decision i still cant forgive myself for cutting my hair short till now. It. Was. Unacceptable.

Ok, i guess enough rants for today hahah. Actually, i have finished my first bottle and should really go out and buy my second bottle so thats why writing this post is crossing my mind time tengah mandi tadi haha. Mau cuci rambut tapi shampoo habis so bertabahlah orang2 sekalian saya keluar tidak cuci rambut. Tapi masi jua wangi ni jan risau. Hahaha
Till i write again. Bye.