Tuesday, May 17, 2016

To be continue

16th May 2016        10.45am       Usher & Alicia Keys - My boo

Hello dear everyone. Im on my way to go back to Labuan. I really dont want to but.. i have to. Its week 12 and i didnt revise on anything yet. Seriously i dont want. My brother sent me to terminal, but deep inside i refuse to go back but yeah.

We stopped by an airport.. as i wait in car (when my brother goes to cashed in his checks) i saw a guy. Kind of hot and handsome, tall and fair skin. He was carrying a khaki backpack, luggage and an expensive paperbag *i dont know what brand it was but by the looks of it is indeed expensive*. His parents fetch him, i dont know but its a man and woman. Driving a vintage dark blue mercedes. It looks like the life in the tv series we always watch. Like living in a rich people world. His parents looks like working in the corporate world, looking so smart and professionally, though only wearing tshirt and jeans and a plain nice dress. Slowly, i think of my friends lives. Everyone's been blessed differently. Almost all my friends still have their parents, a comfortable house and a room to their own. Where im here, an orphan, with a small house and a small room to my self.

Im starting to wonder really, i know different people go through different tests.. different people different blessings. And yet, i wonder what did i do to go through such fate? No, its more like why did i live life's like this and they live life like that? We're in the same world same timeline but, what i'd do to live life like this? Sometimes i would just imagine my dad would still be alive and thinking how proud i will be showing off to my friends like hey you guys, this is my dad! like this is my mother and we'll be talking about how pretty my mother was, how tasty my mother's cook then. But i just cant, i couldnt act the real things here. My bad.

Im not envy, im not jealous.. just wondering, why? I cant seem to get answer for any of that. Yet im still searching. This year events test really make me wondering.. i am soon to be 23 years old.. 23 years of living and im still searching why..why..why..

As i log on in to my facebook.. i saw one of my friends post, about a blister which she have when she was 5 years old. and she tagged her sister, ironically, her sister's name was also Ninang and an ex UMSKAL. Wihiu. They commented each other like true family love. a sisterly love. And now im envied. I couldnt just tell me siblings i love em, but to show through act is all i can do. I dont know why, but since we were kids we just doesnt tell each other we love them. I know they all love me well when they try their best to give me what i want right at the time. But, can we just publicly tell that oh i sayang you and i love you too well. I hope they are alright now.